A general feeling of malaise from the COVID-19 stressors is being compounded by a renewed sense of loss. For some inexplicable reason, I have experienced enhanced sadness recently as I remember persons who were part of my life, some for many years, but who are no longer living. As the fourth anniversary of my mother’s passing approaches, recalling those others who played an important role in my life is sending me to a low point that is not healthy or desirable.
Many were close to my current age when I lost them, and that in itself might be adding to my distress. Since Mom died, I have been increasingly aware of my shortening time even though she lived many years past where I am now. Is this just grief still surfacing, compounded by the constant stress of living with the uncertainties of the effects of the novel coronavirus, or the familiar fear of the inevitable that we all must face?
Given it is August and this summer has been very unsettling, I really need to refocus and try to get myself back together before fall, and the usual seasonal affective disorder, lands with both feet.